REFLECTION

Chapter 1: I’ll Follow Wherever You Go

going-away

I’m still in the dark and I can’t find a way out.  I don’t know what to do I feel so helpless.  I really wanted to scream so the world would  know how I feel.  I don’t know where to start … my life has turned into pieces. I fell and stumbled so many times; yet I’m still heeding on the same direction.  I really wanted to get away from this life full predicaments. I wanted to change my path, I wanted to create a path I wanted to be – a life worth living for – a life full of happiness.  In this world we are given so many chances to choose what is best for us.  I know what is best for me, what are the things that really make me happy.  I would never let anyone come between me and my destiny.  I’m sick of people intervening, people who give shits all the time to obstruct me.  I’ve finally made up my mind I will do things that really make me happy. I am going back to school… I will fulfill my dreams to become a Teacher. Yes, I will get a teaching certificate, then I will take a LET exam or a Master’s Degree in English language. Maybe I can teach English and World History- what about teaching General Science.

I graduated a course of Bachelor in Journalism, my dream was to be a great movie writer or a novelist. But living in a Third World Country- hunting a job is always a greatest problem.  After my graduation I started searching for a job, I had been to a thousand interviews and exams. Most of the time I felt dizzy and almost fainted out spending the whole day from job searching, I failed… I was just a fresh graduate and had no experience what chance do I have? I need to get a job to support myself, I’ll just fulfill my dreams later. Any opportunities came along. So whatever came first no second thoughts I would grab it.

I was so tired and I felt so helpless, I kept asking…why can’t I get a job?

Perhaps, my sister doesn’t want me around anymore. She was done with me, she sent me to college. It’s time for me to get a job and pay for myself, pay for my food. I am aware about the tension in the house.  She hates seeing me unemployed. I’m really scared to hear such harsh words – but I understand she needed to push me a little bit more.

One day I heard her screaming, I saw the fury in her eyes. I am not aware of what is going on. I don’t remember if I did something wrong. I am done cleaning the whole flat, washing clothes and cooking. I also babysit my 8 months old nephew.

“I am tired of your lazy bum, if you can’t follow my rules in this house, then pack up your things and leave!” She yelled with conviction.

I was on my feet – crying and trying to gain some strengths left on me. She accused me of doing something I never did. She didn’t want to hear my explanation; she didn’t want to hear anything I said.

For her I am a liar, because she thinks I am a writer- so I could just fabricate stories.

My feet take me to my brother’s house. I will stay there for a while. Until I figure out to sort things out.

I was sitting on sofa bed reading a message from a friend.

“Hey, where are you?

 I just got your message.

 Don’t worry I’m here for you.

All you have to do is come with me, let’s go to a faraway place.

Just you and me.

We’ll start a new life. Just trust me.”

He still wants to pursue me, after several rejections. Yes, I was helpless that time, but never in my wildest dream to go with this guy. I don’t love him.

I simply don’t like to be with him.

If ever I have changed my mind, he was just waiting me at the Bus Terminal.

I never went to see him, instead I headed to QC – a place where my other sister was practicing her teaching job. She heard what happened to me. She let me stay in her small boarding room.

All night I couldn’t get to sleep, I am preoccupied of the memories haunting me. I want to scream I want to erase them from my head. But how? I don’t know how.

A text message popped out on my phone.

“You  didn’t finish college if not with me! Where is your sense of gratitude???”

I tried to cover my ears with my bare hands, I don’t want to hear those phrases lingering inside my ears.

He didn’t send me to school. My sister did. He is really bad, after what he did to me? After those lies he said, all he wanted to do was destroy me. Why he was so mean to me? How can I get away from his shadow? He follows me wherever I go. Even in my dreams I saw his devil face  laughing at me.

I need to do something… I need to divert my mind to ease the tension.

The next day I attended to a teaching demonstration for a summer class- they were looking for an English teacher to teach for the summer class.

I never had a Teaching experience compared to other applicants who are all BEED graduates. In my surprise the owner of the school hired me to start teaching the next day.

It was a lovely morning to see all my pupils. They are all cute in their pink uniforms for the girls and baby blue for the boys.

“Good morning Teacher Melyn! Good morning Classmates!”

It felt great to hear those phrases it’s like a sound of music. I never thought the day would come – that I’ll be a teacher.

Seconds, minutes, hours, and days had passed. Summer Class was over, yet the school administrator retained my service until the opening of class in June.

I saw myself loving my job each day, I enjoyed telling stories to my pupils.  Maybe because I am really great at telling stories -everybody was alive and attentive while I was reading a children book.

I educate and share knowledge to all of them and at the same time I am also learning.

I cherish every moments I had with them I couldn’t imagine waking up one morning losing my teaching job.

But I have to quit my job after I had a serious GERD problem.

I couldn’t walk – I felt so much pain on my spinal cord and abdomen. I felt so weak. I was afraid I couldn’t recover.

My sister, asked me to come home – so I could get treatments or medication.

We are seemed okay now. But she never said sorry about what happened six months ago, she never said if she wanted to hear the other side of the story. I guess it would be better if it is remained unsaid.

**end of Chapter One**

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