Closer to God

When your belief became an ordinary tradition. Sometimes, certain tradition has molded your own belief over the years. You were obliged to do certain things even if it was out of your own belief because you have to follow what’s the tradition or it became a long practice in the family.

I was raised as a Roman Catholic, my mother was a really religious person. She went to church every Sunday, she prayed a novena and Rosary every single day. She was also active in attending some prayer meetings in every occasion in our town. I witnessed how strong her devotion and when she became dependent on her faith to God. Every difficulties and struggle in life she lifted it up and surrendered it to the lord. I guess that’s where she drew her strength all those years. Raising her eight children by herself, and having an irresponsible husband who was drowned to cigarettes and alcohol and no stable job was her great combat. She remained stronger and tougher for the sake of her children while hoping that someday she would reap the beautiful life that God has to offer her.

I remembered all her melancholy stories about her early life. She was only 10 years old when she lost her parents. She only studied through grade 4 and couldn’t afford to move to intermediate school. She started working as a help in one of the rich families in the town at a very young age. A few years later her eldest brother took her to Manila and promised her to send to school after helping him in his tailoring shop. My mother was so passionate about her job, she became so great at making dresses and she had been working long hours without pay. Her brother changed his mind about pursuing her study but instead, he insisted on keeping her work in their shop.

She met her first love, he lived in the next neighborhood. According to my mother, this young man was tall and good gentleman his name was Angel (Anghel). But their relationship didn’t last for long due to Angel’s parents’ disapproval of my mother along with that they sent Angel to a far away province and told my Mother he got married to another woman. She was heartbroken at that time and afraid if she would be able to move on. But she prayed to God every day to send her the man whom she would love and give her a lifetime happiness. A man who could help her extricate herself from her difficult life.

Finally, my father came. He was from the same island where my mother grew up. He was an orphan and an heir of a vast land including rice fields, fish ponds and a land nearby beach resorts. He had everything; love and abundancy from his Abuelo and Abuela (grandparents). In early 1920’s,  10 years before my father was born their family owned a huge mansion in Poblacion, which was later burned by Japanese soldiers during World War 2 in 1942. They had many horses and carriages. His mother was a great violin player and a teacher of Music at Centro Escolar a College in Manila now is Centro Escolar University.

Everything changed when his mother was forced to marry her own cousin. It was a family arrangement to keep their family inheritance. But at that time my grandmother had her own fiance from Masbate island and they were engaged secretly. She couldn’t defy her father so she agreed for the wedding, and  few years later she gave birth to my father. Unfortunately she died a week after, some relatives said that she committed suicide. Nobody knew what really happened.  My grandfather after being a widower, find a new family and had his own children, he left my father to his in- law’s care.

That explained how my Father became an orphan and how he became stubborn in life. So he started selling his properties, spending every penny he had, going back and forth to Manila and to the island. He wanted to enjoy every bit of his life with no dreams neither goals nor direction. Having a wife and children wasn’t his cup of a tea. He loved to just smoke, drink, and watch movies in Theater. But his other remaining inheritance was under the care of his Auntie Felicidad, he would only get his inheritance in one condition. “You need to settle down, bring me a wife and children.” Trapped in that condition my father had no choice but went along with it. He met my mother, promised her of a better life, helped her out from her difficult condition. As for my Mother she believed this was the answer to her prayers. She believed God will reward her for being kind, faithful and obedient all this time.

She had a first child, and second child and another child. She took care of the kids and worked in the rice fields even after giving birth. Until they have seven children. She thought she would only have seven until I came. I was her menopausal baby she had me when she was 45. Life was too difficult for my Mom, she had to leave her children and worked as a maid in a far away city. My brothers would help my father sell fire woods, or worked in the rice field. My other three elder sisters even at a very young age had to do the laundry and cooking and took care of each other. There were times they didn’t have any rice or bread to eat. For every small amount of money, my mother sent for the family was not enough to feed the whole family and we were longing for her.

As I grew up my Mother decided to just get a job in Poblacion instead in a far away town so she could go home every week end and took care of us. She had time to make me new dresses and get me new stuff for school. I was lucky enough that when I was growing up most of my brothers and sisters were already grown up and got their jobs so they could help my Mother in all finances. I got new shoes, new uniforms, bags, and notebooks every school year. Which my other siblings didn’t have. I have the love and attention from my parents and other seven siblings.

As the time passed by, I became like my other siblings when they reached the right age where they can stand on their own, they were all excited to leave the house away from my father’s authority. They want to pursue their own dreams and have a better life which they never had. I also left the island even if  it was against my father’s will. Even my mother begged me not to go, I loved them but I could not stand living with them arguing every day fighting over money. They have lived for over 40 years without harmony.

After so many years when I finished college and started working and making money, I tried to go back to the island and visited them. Sometimes we took them to the city so they could see their other children and grandchildren. I worked hard just for them, I didn’t like my parents to undergo any hardships. I would love them see happy and enjoy their life as they get older. Especially, my Mother, she deserved every happiness in life after so many years of miserable life with my father. She deserved a reward. If God couldn’t give it, I and my other siblings will provide it.

In 2011 she was diagnosed with breast cancer stage 4. She underwent treatment however the Doctor told us, that our Mother had only few months to live. Her body could not endure the treatment. I decided to resign from my job to look after my mother and took her on the island as her last request.  She wanted to spend her remaining days in her own home to be with my father. I knew it was a difficult decision, but my mother was more important than my career.  I could always find a new job later. I saw her everyday in so much pain and agony. It was tormenting to see her everyday. I was scared too. I couldn’t stand seeing her dying.  One day we had a serious conversation while she was lying on the hammock made of a fishnet hanging inside the rest house. I asked her, Mom, do you still believe in God? Are you still close to Him after all? She replied, ” I never lost my faith and devotion towards Him. I’m grateful He gave my precious life, and gave me a loving and great children. All I prayed all this time is to keep my children away from harm and sickness, and if anyone of you get sick I would rather be sick than any of you, because I’m already old. My life is almost over in this world. But your life is just starting. May the Almighty God keep you strong even when I’m gone.”

I couldn’t understand why my mother was still faithful to her God. She is just human she could get mad sometimes, and question him. That’s a normal thing to do. At first, I was mad at Him for not granting my prayer, for not making my Mom live longer and be happy. I had so many questions to ask such; Why she needs to suffer again after so many sufferings she had. Why she needs to die, why isn’t there a miracle? So many why’s… it was heart-wrenching and so difficult to accept, I had to pretend I was fine just for my mother because that’s what she really wanted. For me to be stronger and keep my faith even deeper in times like this.

I have so many questions at the tip of my tongue, these had been my battle for so many years. But, to question my faith was even more difficult. I have my own faith, it might be different from others or from my mother. I still believe there is one and powerful God in this world. Who is responsible for all of us. We may have different beliefs and religions to follow but accepting in our lives that there is a Divine Power dwell along with us. Give us free will for decision making and allow us to commit sin for us to repent and ask forgiveness, a chance for us to make a better path, better and greater after we have stumbled several times.

I may not be very religious, I don’t go to church as often, neither I pray the rosary every single day. But in my own belief being closer to God is manifested in so many different ways and varied every different perspective. People can perform all of these things mentioned above without having a commitment and strong devotion isn’t consider a covenant to be closer to God.

In observance of this Lenten season, people do fasting and any kind of abstinence. Most Catholic devotees perform religious procession in Holy Friday where there are carriages of Holy images that were paraded on the street and there are devotees also perform Station of the cross. As a family tradition that we inherited from my late mother, we did the religious procession and attending “Siete Palabras” also known as The Last Seven Words. Tomorrow will be Holy or Good Friday and we decided to do the station of the cross at Divine Mercy in Marilao Bulacan. These are the best times I remember my Mother. It reminded me her faith and devotion as Roman Catholic and her love for God. Even her last words before she reunited to our Almighty.

(Written and spoken in my native dialect known as Aklanon)

“Ga pasaeamat ako sa Ginuo sa akong kabuhi sa akong mga unga, kapin pa ro pagbugay na kimo. Ikaw do katuparan it akong mga handum. Ikaw ro gabaton it gracia nga ging promisa kakon it Ginuo. Ikaw ro gaangkon it kabuhing dayun iya sa eogta. Sa eangit do akong kasakit hay di ko eon mabatyagan. Ag sa akon pagpanaw giyahan ka permi it atong Makaako.” – Nanay

Translated to the English language:

“I thanked God for my life and for my children, also for giving you to me. You are the fulfillment of my dreams. You will receive the graces and rewards intended for me by our Lord. You will enjoy a better and peaceful life on Earth. In Heaven, I will never feel any pain and when I’m gone Our God Almighty will always guide you.” – Mom

praying to God

***—-***

Comment:
This article is a tribute to my beloved mother for all her sacrifices. I know you’re in heaven now. No more pains and worries. I really miss you so much. I love you with all my heart. If I will be born again I will still choose you to be my mother. Thank you for everything, for loving me more than you love yourself. You are my beloved Nanay (Mom) my best friend and now my guardian angel. Please watch over me and please remind me how great is your faith and how closer you are to God.

REFLECTION

Melyn's e-diary, Poetry and Travelogue

Chapter 1: I’ll Follow Wherever You Go

going-away

I’m still in the dark and I can’t find a way out.  I don’t know what to do I feel so helpless.  I really wanted to scream so the world would  know how I feel.  I don’t know where to start … my life has turned into pieces. I fell and stumbled so many times; yet I’m still heeding on the same direction.  I really wanted to get away from this life full predicaments. I wanted to change my path, I wanted to create a path I wanted to be – a life worth living for – a life full of happiness.  In this world we are given so many chances to choose what is best for us.  I know what is best for me, what are the things that really make me happy.  I would never let anyone come between me and my destiny.  I’m sick…

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REFLECTION

Remembering my teenage days.

Melyn's e-diary, Poetry and Travelogue

Chapter 2: Leaving  You Behind

It’s now or never. I don’t want to stay in this island anymore. I don’t want to hear my parents fighting everyday. I’ve waited this moment so I could leave this place. I am going to the city. I’ll go to college and I’ll fulfill all my dreams.

I had few scholarships from other colleges in the province but I opted to go to Manila. I have so many thoughts in my head. Maybe because I wanted to forget so many unhappy memories in my childhood days. My parents didn’t want me to leave.  My mother told me that life in the city is more difficult to cope up. She didn’t want to be away from me and so did I. I love my Mom, she was like my best friend. But I’d made up my mind.  I wanted to prove to everybody that I…

View original post 1,429 more words

REFLECTION

Chapter 2: Leaving  You Behind

It’s now or never. I don’t want to stay in this island anymore. I don’t want to hear my parents fighting everyday. I’ve waited this moment so I could leave this place. I am going to the city. I’ll go to college and I’ll fulfill all my dreams.

I had few scholarships from other colleges in the province but I opted to go to Manila. I have so many thoughts in my head. Maybe because I wanted to forget so many unhappy memories in my childhood days. My parents didn’t want me to leave.  My mother told me that life in the city is more difficult to cope up. She didn’t want to be away from me and so did I. I love my Mom, she was like my best friend. But I’d made up my mind.  I wanted to prove to everybody that I could stand on my own.

I was  boarding on  the big ship heading to Manila. I stayed at the upper deck of the ship to get some air. I was looking at the dark sky  wishing I could sight a star. I always believe that Stars in the skies were every man’s dreams. If I could sight a perfect star for me then my dreams would come true one day. I was sad and alone. I don’t know what is waiting for me in this journey.

Mom, Dad I am going to miss you. I am sorry if I have to leave the town.  I will only come back if I am done with my studies in the city. I promise I will never fail you. I was really hurt when Dad didn’t want me to go to college. He didn’t care if I have a great future.  He just want me to stay in the island.

“Why are you leaving? Are you gonna leave us just like your other brothers and sisters did? After we sent them to high school they left and never come back.”

I replied,  “Dad, I wanted to go to college. I want to be a Journalist like Korina Sanchez or  to be an Author like J.K.Rowling.”

My Dad demanded, “I don’t want you to be anything. I don’t care if you are smart enough to go to college, but you are staying in this house. I never asked you to get any award you should have given that to other student. I can’t take that shit to my grave!”

I couldn’t believe my own Father was saying those harsh words – he had no dreams for his life nor for his children. He grew up as an orphan his Dad remarried when my grandma died when she committed suicide after she gave birth to my father. He has no directions in life and he quit dreaming. For him dreaming of a better life is just for rich people.

It was selfish.  But I couldn’t change the way he thinks.  I only hope that someday when I become successful. I can prove him that dreaming wasn’t wrong after all.

I tried to wipe off my tears I couldn’t really  help it.

“Melyn, Melyn!!!”

I heard someone was calling my name.

“Hey May! What are you doing here? It’s nice to see you.”

May Michelle is one of my batch mates we were in the same year- she was from the class of section B. I was just so happy I found someone I knew on the ship.

“What are you doing here? Come on, let’s go back inside for ticket inspection. Then maybe after the inspection we can roam around, there are some cute boys around.”

I suddenly got nervous, I need to hide because I didn’t have a ticket. I tried to get one but tickets  were sold out. I  didn’t want to miss this trip or else  I would be late for school enrollment.

“May, the thing is I don’t have a ticket. My cousin just told the ship crew in the main entrance to let me in.” I explained.

May Michelle was surprised, but later on she just gave me a sweet smile, then she suddenly grabbed my left arm to lead me to a small isle. This was found at the very center of the ship and at the corner  you could see a staircase going up.

“What’s going on? Where are you taking me? Are we supposed to go up stairs. It says For Authorize personnel Only.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll  keep you  company. Let’s stay here. The scenery is a lot better from up here. If somebody finds us, let’s just pretend we lost our way.” She laughed

“That was silly of you. Thank’s anyway.”  I reacted.

“Did you see him?” She asked. Trying to break the tension.

“Who?” I wondered, my slit eyes just turned big and round trying to figure out that person she meant.

She giggled…

“You mean…hmmm is he really on this ship?”  My voice was shaking while waiting for a confirmation.

“Yes, He is here.” She confirmed and giggled at the same time.

I don’t know what to say. I was so upset. He said he is not going to Manila yet. He said if he does he will get there by an airplane.

“Are you going to talk to him? hey, are you alright? I thought you guys already settle your issues before the graduation day.” 

We are not okay. I don’t like to see him. Seeing him make me more upset.

I couldn’t deny the fact that he became part of my teenage life. But he never been good to me. He was not proud of me.   He couldn’t even introduce me to his family and friends. Maybe I was not great enough for him. I am just a poor girl living in a small village while he is a son of Chinese Businessman in our island. They have a better life compared to anybody.  He’d always made me feel I was nobody.

(Flashback)

It was a Town fiesta that night. I was with my friends. I knew he wont come to see me. He might be with his friends drinking and smoking. Most teenage boys in the school did these things. Curiosity I bet.

I was with my best friend Pal Che and my  friend  Marlo that time. We were sitting at the bleachers of the court.

“Hey, don’t be sad. If he is not coming to see you. It’s okay. You’ll be fine. I’ll be right here I won’t leave you. I’ll take you home. Come on, cheer up pretty girl.”

I was grateful to have a friend who always there to listen and accompany me. He was always good to me and he took care of me.

“Will you stay with me, even if comes? Won’t you let him come near me? Do you promise?” I pleaded.

“Promise! Cross my Heart!”

I was busy chatting with other friends for a little while. I noticed Marlo wasn’t at the bleacher anymore. He was standing talking to him. He handed his phone to Marlo. They were both smiling. Marlo hurriedly approached me.

“Hey, would you come with me just a minute please. It won’t take long. I promise.”

“Where are we going? Why are you talking to him? What did you talk about?” I ranted.

He took me inside a parked tricycle, and I got inside and sat. He left me there. From a far I saw a shadow of a boy coming towards me. I was so nervous. He stood next to me.Grab my hand.

“Hi, how are you? I miss you. I’m sorry if I just came now. I was busy.” He explained in a calm voice.

I looked away. I don’t want to see him. He always say sorry. had so many excuses and alibis. I was tired of it.

“Please let’s talk. Would you scoot over so I can  sit beside you?” 

“Where is Marlo? Where did he go? Why he left me here alone? He promised not to leave me!” I asked in an irritated voice.

“He had my phone, he said, he would let me talk to you if I lend him my phone.” He explained with a naughty smile.

“He is jerk! You  bribed him with your phone!” I screamed.

I tried to be calm down. So I let him stay for a while to talk to me. I must understood that he was just a young boy that time maybe 15 or 16, so immature about love.

After awhile we were started laughing together. However his Mom and sister passed by. he was scared and didn’t know what to do. is he going to stand up this time and introduce me to his family or he is going to run again and pretended he didn’t know me at all.

“Busted! I’m going now.” He ran away without saying good bye.

“Not again jerk!”

I don’t know why, I’m still with this boy. He was really immature at his age. Maybe I’m too afraid to break up with him. Maybe I’m too afraid to be left out in the group. Do I really like him? Or I am just with him to make someone jealous.

Yes, I like someone else. I dreamed of someone else to be my boyfriend. But he never noticed me. He had another girlfriend. He always had my heart. He was my  first dance. When his heart was taken by another girl. I decided to be someone’s girl.  It was a silly idea. But  I was just too young that time to understand.

“Life is about exploring our horizon, and Learning from our experience. Everyone makes mistakes, and Learning our lessons from it makes us a better person for tomorrow”

**end of Chapter Two**

girl_ship_sailing_sunset

Don’t Say Goodbye

Superstitions-and-their-origins-009.jpg

He was sitting on a rocking chair. His eyes was tired, his voice was weak. I held his warm hands. My heart was in so much distress and sadness and  I couldn’t endure the pain looking at him. He was in terrible pain. I could see it in his face he was all ready to succumb to his illness.

“I love you Dad! I really miss you so much.” I said in a rattling voice to gently break the silence surrounded us.

As he looked at me I saw some sparks coming from his cloudy eyes. Those eyes  were been in  the dark for so long. They have awakened trying to express an emotion hovering inside.  My dad was blind since he was 60 years old. He had an eye disease called cataract.

He was already 85 years old and his body was changing,  it was withering away because of his  age and illness. For so many years he became so unhappy and lonely, when my Mom passed away. I felt that dreadful feeling. I thought grieving would just last for awhile but it took me three years to finally accept that  my beloved mother was really gone.

I know I have this guilt haunting me. I left my Dad alone, I should have taken care of him. But how, my job was in the city. I was only renting a small apartment. He lives with my brother in the island. We send money for his medication and their daily expenses.  If only my other sisters would take care of him. But nobody wants to give a commitment. All of them were busy with their family and their own lives. How I  wish my elder   sister would volunteer to offer her  big house- I guess  there was so much room for my Dad it would be easier and closer for all his children to visit him. There are so many hospitals or clinic nearby unlike in the island hospitals are in far away town.  But  it’s not my choice to decide.

“I’m sorry Dad! I’m really sorry if I just  came now.”

He held my hand and felt it.

My brother told me that Dad  couldn’t remember all his children anymore even their names. His memory was fading and losing. A condition or disease  that  old people  over 70 years old most likely had.

It was really heart breaking to see him like this.

I reached his forehead and asked.

“Dad, do you know me? Do you still remember me?  Do you recognize my voice?”

My Dad nodded, and quickly responded.

“Yes, you are my Bunso,my youngest child. She was a Class Valedictorian from Kinder to high school. I’m so proud of her.”

My eyes were filled with tears. I could no longer endure the pain I was bearing inside.

My Dad, still remember me. He never let me slipped  in his memory. I was so happy – but it only lasted for awhile.

I took the scissors and comb from the drawer and I started cutting his long grey hairs. I also shaved off some of his mustache and beards. His eye brows were long that it almost covered his eyes.

That was the happiest moment I had with my Dad. Our little bonding moment I considered.

Every night we  heard his screams brought by a dying pain. We didn’t know what to do. His body was shutting down. He was screaming for his Father’s name, his grand parents  begging to take his life.

God, I don’t want to see my Father suffering. Please help him contain the pain. I don’t like to feel the same fear, the same pain when I saw my Mom dying from suffering from a breast cancer. I knew how difficult it was. Seeing her in so much pain was tormenting. It stabbed my heart over and over.  If I could  just  take away all  those pains and bear it myself.

It was really painful and difficult moment in our lives when we are  losing our love ones.

Those pains dwelling inside were like an atomic bomb. It would explode devastatingly.  Not just one time but it was like forever. I could not think of any accurate word to define that ill feeling it was obsolete. All I wanted is to get away or run away from it. It was like you were stubbed  by a knife in your heart million times.

Just like when I lose my Mom, I told her, “Please  don’t leave us yet. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay.  If there is a miracle, you will live. You will recover and you’ll be fine. But I don’t want to be selfish, if leaving us in this world will give you peace and comfort and  will take away all the pains and sufferings then let it be…”.

I’m telling the same thing to my dying Father. I wanted him to fight against death. I wanted him to live and stay. But I don’t want to see him suffering and fading little by little.

“Dad, please don’t say goodbye yet. I still want to hold your hand. I still want to hear your voice. I still want to feel your breath. But I know you can’t hold anymore. Just like me and all your children. But before you go, I just want to tell you. I love you so much. I really do.”

But we know he  really had to go. Mom was waiting for him. She would take him to a place where they could find their own comfort free from any pains and sufferings. Where they could be together again and be  happy.

As he closed his breathless eyes  we saw a single tear rolling from it endlessly.***–***

 

 

Comment:

I wrote this piece in memory of my Dad,  I considered this as  one of my saddest memories. I lost my Father last October 4, 2015. He died on the day of my mother’s  death Anniversary.  My Mom died from a breast cancer last October 2012. Last night I remember both them, and I couldn’t help but cry. I wish they are still here. I love them so much, and I will forever remember them in my heart.

 

REFLECTION

Chapter 1: I’ll Follow Wherever You Go

going-away

I’m still in the dark and I can’t find a way out.  I don’t know what to do I feel so helpless.  I really wanted to scream so the world would  know how I feel.  I don’t know where to start … my life has turned into pieces. I fell and stumbled so many times; yet I’m still heeding on the same direction.  I really wanted to get away from this life full predicaments. I wanted to change my path, I wanted to create a path I wanted to be – a life worth living for – a life full of happiness.  In this world we are given so many chances to choose what is best for us.  I know what is best for me, what are the things that really make me happy.  I would never let anyone come between me and my destiny.  I’m sick of people intervening, people who give shits all the time to obstruct me.  I’ve finally made up my mind I will do things that really make me happy. I am going back to school… I will fulfill my dreams to become a Teacher. Yes, I will get a teaching certificate, then I will take a LET exam or a Master’s Degree in English language. Maybe I can teach English and World History- what about teaching General Science.

I graduated a course of Bachelor in Journalism, my dream was to be a great movie writer or a novelist. But living in a Third World Country- hunting a job is always a greatest problem.  After my graduation I started searching for a job, I had been to a thousand interviews and exams. Most of the time I felt dizzy and almost fainted out spending the whole day from job searching, I failed… I was just a fresh graduate and had no experience what chance do I have? I need to get a job to support myself, I’ll just fulfill my dreams later. Any opportunities came along. So whatever came first no second thoughts I would grab it.

I was so tired and I felt so helpless, I kept asking…why can’t I get a job?

Perhaps, my sister doesn’t want me around anymore. She was done with me, she sent me to college. It’s time for me to get a job and pay for myself, pay for my food. I am aware about the tension in the house.  She hates seeing me unemployed. I’m really scared to hear such harsh words – but I understand she needed to push me a little bit more.

One day I heard her screaming, I saw the fury in her eyes. I am not aware of what is going on. I don’t remember if I did something wrong. I am done cleaning the whole flat, washing clothes and cooking. I also babysit my 8 months old nephew.

“I am tired of your lazy bum, if you can’t follow my rules in this house, then pack up your things and leave!” She yelled with conviction.

I was on my feet – crying and trying to gain some strengths left on me. She accused me of doing something I never did. She didn’t want to hear my explanation; she didn’t want to hear anything I said.

For her I am a liar, because she thinks I am a writer- so I could just fabricate stories.

My feet take me to my brother’s house. I will stay there for a while. Until I figure out to sort things out.

I was sitting on sofa bed reading a message from a friend.

“Hey, where are you?

 I just got your message.

 Don’t worry I’m here for you.

All you have to do is come with me, let’s go to a faraway place.

Just you and me.

We’ll start a new life. Just trust me.”

He still wants to pursue me, after several rejections. Yes, I was helpless that time, but never in my wildest dream to go with this guy. I don’t love him.

I simply don’t like to be with him.

If ever I have changed my mind, he was just waiting me at the Bus Terminal.

I never went to see him, instead I headed to QC – a place where my other sister was practicing her teaching job. She heard what happened to me. She let me stay in her small boarding room.

All night I couldn’t get to sleep, I am preoccupied of the memories haunting me. I want to scream I want to erase them from my head. But how? I don’t know how.

A text message popped out on my phone.

“You  didn’t finish college if not with me! Where is your sense of gratitude???”

I tried to cover my ears with my bare hands, I don’t want to hear those phrases lingering inside my ears.

He didn’t send me to school. My sister did. He is really bad, after what he did to me? After those lies he said, all he wanted to do was destroy me. Why he was so mean to me? How can I get away from his shadow? He follows me wherever I go. Even in my dreams I saw his devil face  laughing at me.

I need to do something… I need to divert my mind to ease the tension.

The next day I attended to a teaching demonstration for a summer class- they were looking for an English teacher to teach for the summer class.

I never had a Teaching experience compared to other applicants who are all BEED graduates. In my surprise the owner of the school hired me to start teaching the next day.

It was a lovely morning to see all my pupils. They are all cute in their pink uniforms for the girls and baby blue for the boys.

“Good morning Teacher Melyn! Good morning Classmates!”

It felt great to hear those phrases it’s like a sound of music. I never thought the day would come – that I’ll be a teacher.

Seconds, minutes, hours, and days had passed. Summer Class was over, yet the school administrator retained my service until the opening of class in June.

I saw myself loving my job each day, I enjoyed telling stories to my pupils.  Maybe because I am really great at telling stories -everybody was alive and attentive while I was reading a children book.

I educate and share knowledge to all of them and at the same time I am also learning.

I cherish every moments I had with them I couldn’t imagine waking up one morning losing my teaching job.

But I have to quit my job after I had a serious GERD problem.

I couldn’t walk – I felt so much pain on my spinal cord and abdomen. I felt so weak. I was afraid I couldn’t recover.

My sister, asked me to come home – so I could get treatments or medication.

We are seemed okay now. But she never said sorry about what happened six months ago, she never said if she wanted to hear the other side of the story. I guess it would be better if it is remained unsaid.

**end of Chapter One**

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The Brown Almond

"Love. Health. Wealth. Food. Lifestyle. Books. Movies. Travel. Friends. Memories."

Nelly Cherry

I WRITE WHAT'S IN MY SOUL

roads bel travelled

Exploring open roads without breaking the bank

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