Stand by me

Stand by me

I thought we’ll wait for a little bit longer
Until the time will come
No matter what happens
You’re still there for me
stand by me
Even if the clouds are still gloomy
Even if the stars in the sky cease to shine
and our destiny
seems to go astray
You’re still there for me
will stand by me

Every time I was scared
I would call your name
Your sweet words had comforted me
I’ve been drowned in the abyss for a long while
You were always there to help me up
assure me
“that Everything is just fine
Just hang in there
Our time will come
I’ll take you out there
and free you from the beast”

The time is near
I wanted to get free
I called your name
But you weren’t there
The day we promise will never come
Beauty and Prince have never a second chance
You already left
without a word
You’ve just given up on me
when I thought you’re just there
to stand by me ****—****

Dream

Dream

My heart was empty
it never been happy
Then you came
you were just a dream
But now you’re here
magically appear
I couldn’t believe you’re finally mine
my love for you will always shine
I want you, I need you, I love you
it’s all because of you
You’re the song I’d love to sing
you’re the one who mend my broken wing
You light up my life
all the darkest times turn to bright
Hold my hand forever
let’s take this journey together
I’ll be there by your side
until the day I’ll become your bride
You’re an answered prayer
like in fairy-tale our story has a happily ever after

dream-poem

Poet’s Note:
I always write a sad poem, because I have a broken emotions and lonely past. But,this time I’d love to write a happy poem, the one that is full of hope and love. Having a strong faith to make one’s dream come true. Waiting for the right person to come to my life, praying for him to love me back after so many years of waiting.

MY DESTINY: Chapter One

A story of a man, who loved a woman from the past,  when their paths cross again he had to make a bigger choice. Whether to take a rough path with her or follow the calling he thought was his real purpose in life. Is he brave enough to follow his heart desire and give up everything he already started – the dream that is known for his friends and families?

Is  that  wonderful kiss they shared enough to change everything?

“A kiss I longed, a kiss I’ll never forget. The most beautiful kiss I  ever had…”

 

CHAPTER ONE
-UNEXPECTED CALL

I’ve never seen her for so long. I regretted the days I had no courage to tell her what I feel. I love her smile, her silly laugh, and her long shiny black hair. I wondered when will I be seeing them again. I was laying on my bed staring  at the four corners of this empty room. I’m alone and really sad, I left without talking to her. I’m wondering what she is up to now. Is she happy with someone else? I guess she is…

But, what about me? Is this really my fate to serve Him. Am I destined to give up this woman I used to love and still  love until now?  I feel the emptiness in my heart, but I have to get myself together and focus on my vocation that I have chosen already. This is my fate. This is my calling.

After my Theology class, I headed back to my room. I have only few minutes to check my messages. I need to go back  to the prayer room. I took my phone, and checked my friend contacts. I checked it again as if it is still there, if I really saved her number. Yes I did. I was eager to give her a call, to ask how she is. But, I’m so scared. I just can’t. I tried to act normal and control my feelings while I was talking to her earlier on fb chat. But, maybe  hearing her voice after so long will be different.

I’m really tense, or should I say more agitated.

“It’s now or never, I will tell her everything. She needs to know the truth.”

My hands are trembling as I reached those key pads to dial her number.

“Hello! Hello, who is this?”

“Hello! It’s me.” Afraid she won’t recognize my voice.

“Hello… Harry???  This call  surprised me. I never thought you’d call.  It’s been so long. How are you?”

“I’m good. It’s my break time, so I decided to check on you. I mean I tried to check if this number still active.”

“I thought, you lost my number. It’s been a year since since our first and last chats on facebook. You never called.”

“Hey, I never forget you. I still think of you everyday.”

“Huh! hahaha, that’s strange. We never meet  for 10 years I supposed and we barely talk. We only had a quick chat last year when you sent your condolences for my father’s death”

“Yeah, it’s my fault. I’m sorry. I thought that talking to you wont be necessary anymore. Yeah, ten years of not seeing you Celine, because you never  came back in the town. So I thought you don’t like seeing me anymore. uhmm.. I also heard from friends that you were married.”

“Married?!! No, I’m still single. Never been married”

I could sense the gloomy tone in her voice.

What happened to her engagement? It’s all over the news that she is getting married three years ago. I even thought now she is married already. But I don’t like to ask those questions. This is not the right time to talk about it.

“Really? As in single no boyfriend at all?”

The tone of my voice was demanding for an assurance.

“Yes, it’s been so long I never been in a relationship.My last relationship didn’t work out. My heart isn’t ready to be in a relationship right now. I am more preoccupied of lots of things…”

“Uh, I see… I heard about your Mom. How is she doing? Please tell her my regards. She is in my prayers.”

“Thank you, Father… err Harry.  Uhmmm…Are you really going to be a priest soon?”

haha … I chuckled.

“Hey, please don’t call me Father… just not yet, hehehe  wait until my ordination.” I sighed.

“Why? Are you having some second thoughts?”

“Do you think I have reasons to change my mind?” I replied teasingly.

She sighed and paused  for a little while and held a deep breath.

“hayzz Maybe… there are so many stories like that. They ended up marrying a woman they love. Did you ever love someone?”

“Huh! hmmmm…”

I was a bit shocked of those series of questions that follow. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t prepared to answer all of them. Should I laughed and make fun of it? or should I change the topic. But I guess it’s too late because somehow words burst out my mouth freely.

“Yes I did. and I still love her.”

“CELINE,  I LOVE YOU!!!”

“I LOVE YOU!!!”

These phrases still linger in my ears. I was insane. I just told her I love her. She must be really shocked of what she heard. Maybe she will stop talking to me anymore.

“UHGGG!!! Can’t get her off my head.”

**end of Chapter One**


 

 

Disclaimers:

This is a work of fiction or a made up stories. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of my imaginations.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

 

Don’t Say Goodbye

Superstitions-and-their-origins-009.jpg

He was sitting on a rocking chair. His eyes was tired, his voice was weak. I held his warm hands. My heart was in so much distress and sadness and  I couldn’t endure the pain looking at him. He was in terrible pain. I could see it in his face he was all ready to succumb to his illness.

“I love you Dad! I really miss you so much.” I said in a rattling voice to gently break the silence surrounded us.

As he looked at me I saw some sparks coming from his cloudy eyes. Those eyes  were been in  the dark for so long. They have awakened trying to express an emotion hovering inside.  My dad was blind since he was 60 years old. He had an eye disease called cataract.

He was already 85 years old and his body was changing,  it was withering away because of his  age and illness. For so many years he became so unhappy and lonely, when my Mom passed away. I felt that dreadful feeling. I thought grieving would just last for awhile but it took me three years to finally accept that  my beloved mother was really gone.

I know I have this guilt haunting me. I left my Dad alone, I should have taken care of him. But how, my job was in the city. I was only renting a small apartment. He lives with my brother in the island. We send money for his medication and their daily expenses.  If only my other sisters would take care of him. But nobody wants to give a commitment. All of them were busy with their family and their own lives. How I  wish my elder   sister would volunteer to offer her  big house- I guess  there was so much room for my Dad it would be easier and closer for all his children to visit him. There are so many hospitals or clinic nearby unlike in the island hospitals are in far away town.  But  it’s not my choice to decide.

“I’m sorry Dad! I’m really sorry if I just  came now.”

He held my hand and felt it.

My brother told me that Dad  couldn’t remember all his children anymore even their names. His memory was fading and losing. A condition or disease  that  old people  over 70 years old most likely had.

It was really heart breaking to see him like this.

I reached his forehead and asked.

“Dad, do you know me? Do you still remember me?  Do you recognize my voice?”

My Dad nodded, and quickly responded.

“Yes, you are my Bunso,my youngest child. She was a Class Valedictorian from Kinder to high school. I’m so proud of her.”

My eyes were filled with tears. I could no longer endure the pain I was bearing inside.

My Dad, still remember me. He never let me slipped  in his memory. I was so happy – but it only lasted for awhile.

I took the scissors and comb from the drawer and I started cutting his long grey hairs. I also shaved off some of his mustache and beards. His eye brows were long that it almost covered his eyes.

That was the happiest moment I had with my Dad. Our little bonding moment I considered.

Every night we  heard his screams brought by a dying pain. We didn’t know what to do. His body was shutting down. He was screaming for his Father’s name, his grand parents  begging to take his life.

God, I don’t want to see my Father suffering. Please help him contain the pain. I don’t like to feel the same fear, the same pain when I saw my Mom dying from suffering from a breast cancer. I knew how difficult it was. Seeing her in so much pain was tormenting. It stabbed my heart over and over.  If I could  just  take away all  those pains and bear it myself.

It was really painful and difficult moment in our lives when we are  losing our love ones.

Those pains dwelling inside were like an atomic bomb. It would explode devastatingly.  Not just one time but it was like forever. I could not think of any accurate word to define that ill feeling it was obsolete. All I wanted is to get away or run away from it. It was like you were stubbed  by a knife in your heart million times.

Just like when I lose my Mom, I told her, “Please  don’t leave us yet. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay.  If there is a miracle, you will live. You will recover and you’ll be fine. But I don’t want to be selfish, if leaving us in this world will give you peace and comfort and  will take away all the pains and sufferings then let it be…”.

I’m telling the same thing to my dying Father. I wanted him to fight against death. I wanted him to live and stay. But I don’t want to see him suffering and fading little by little.

“Dad, please don’t say goodbye yet. I still want to hold your hand. I still want to hear your voice. I still want to feel your breath. But I know you can’t hold anymore. Just like me and all your children. But before you go, I just want to tell you. I love you so much. I really do.”

But we know he  really had to go. Mom was waiting for him. She would take him to a place where they could find their own comfort free from any pains and sufferings. Where they could be together again and be  happy.

As he closed his breathless eyes  we saw a single tear rolling from it endlessly.***–***

 

 

Comment:

I wrote this piece in memory of my Dad,  I considered this as  one of my saddest memories. I lost my Father last October 4, 2015. He died on the day of my mother’s  death Anniversary.  My Mom died from a breast cancer last October 2012. Last night I remember both them, and I couldn’t help but cry. I wish they are still here. I love them so much, and I will forever remember them in my heart.

 

YOU AND ME TOGETHER

I love you more than any words I can say

Your presence give me more hope each day

I can’t imagine life without you by my side

In my hearts and thoughts there’s always

 YOU AND ME TOGETHER –

forever hide

 

I’ve waited this day will come

That YOU and I will be one

In my heart and soul you are mine

My fear of losing you once more is gone

***–***

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